Hey, Guess What?
You’ll never guess, so i’ll just tell you. =)
I’ve moved! Come see my new blog at PaganWings.Wordpress.com.
Hey, Guess What?
You’ll never guess, so i’ll just tell you. =)
I’ve moved! Come see my new blog at PaganWings.Wordpress.com.
Since I pulled focus out of that hat last week, I’ve been seeing little lights in my tunnel of future plans. I’ve looked into possible career and further education choices again and looked at different methods of learning, teaching, and earning.
I know my fear of it is “Oh no, that means I have to work hard”, so, in facing this fear and knowing I have to increase my attention on my studies (and hopefully on other parts of life too, like relaxing and exploring spirituality); I added it back into my hat and chose again. Hoping it would be either Quiet or Focus, as that’s what I’ve had before, I put my hand in. So far I’ve had:
This final draw was no exception, as Focus came up again.
Thus, it’s with a little fear I announce, Rose’s word of 2010, to be Focus; whether she likes it or not.
Now, since I’m already fighting this, I figured I need to research this a little more, and found this lovely idea. I can easily make/find/wear a bracelet to remind me of my word. That way, when I’m hiding from it, it’s right there for me to see, to keep an eye on me and coax me out.
And in researching, I find this and think my uncertainty is similar to hers. I can’t find a post for the word “focus” and a part of me knows I want to be a guest post next December, explaining how ‘Focus’ changed my year. But I did find Proactive, the closest word to focus form the list of posts. Others included “Refine” and “Clarity”, but the Proactive element of Focus is most important to me right now. It’s the bit I need help with.
And I got thinking. I’ve made a bracelet as a reminder and I’ve been planning. I’d love to focus more on my writing. This means I want to do some guest posts, invite people to guest post on my blog, enter more poetry contests and perhaps finish one of my books.
So, I’m happy to do topics I know about… living green, simplicity, minimalism, getting things done/motivation, student life in the UK, feng shui, tarot, runes, pagan spirituality, cats, healthy eating?, music and meditation. I’m happy to give anything a go if you feel I could bring something different to your blog.
Yesterday was our final Creative Meditation and Buddhism meeting of 2009. Slightly sad, but at least we’ve only 4 weeks without it as term starts on 11th January.
So today we discussed revelations. We talked a bit about mind chatter and the five things that hold us back:
Sloth (torpor), Craving (desire), Anger (ill-will), Restlessness (anxiety) and Doubt.
This weekend I had a pretty hard-hitting revelation. In fact, I spent my weekend in dukkha; in unease. I gave myself a whopping panic attack, spiralling down to almost bottom. I haven’t been that scared in a few years. With hindsight, I see where I could have just pulled myself right out of it; but didn’t. I wasn’t aware, mindful to that possibility at the time. It was good to express this during our session and get feedback. Hopefully I’ll recognise it next time and be able to act.
This is week I’ve ticked off a couple of items from my 101 list, which makes me happy. I’m also starting to edit the look of my page. You’ll notice the space theme’s disappeared. I’m hoping to finish the edit ready for the new year, so please be patient..
Speaking of the approaching New Year I’m reflecting on some possible words for focus. At the moment I have two main words I’m choosing between, however, there’s one lesson I feel I would benefit in learning pretty soon too. It was mentioned in the book I read in September: F**k it: the ultimate spiritual way, by John Parkin. It’s a bit nihilistic, I’ll admit, but one phrase really spoke to me.
“It’s safe to be in pain” ~ P138
I don’t think about it consciously, but I’m a highly anxious person. I’ll walk out of a situation (buying a t-shirt, talking to friends, a lecture, a seminar, getting of a bus, going to the bathroom) and instantly focus on the tiniest thing I see as “wrong” that I did in that situation. These are things most other people don’t even realise. Karasu said today that I didn’t talk excessively; that I was fine, just being my usual bubbly self. However, my first thought as I left the room was to berate myself for that very action; for my stupidity and selfishness.
So I’m thinking something along the lines of “I’m safe no matter how anxious/stupid/angry I feel” may be beneficial. “Safety”.
However, the other two words feel just as important to me right now. So I’m following the example of Emily Long and using a hat. I went to write down my three possible words and ended up writing 14. Oops.
So I’m thinking I may just pull one out tonight, because the idea of waiting weeks and weeks to do it is driving me crazy, and that’s hardly setting off to a great start with the practise. I’ve even prepared the paper for my little reminder sign, where I’ll write the word ready to see it daily.
I’d love to hear about your words/resolutions. Do you have any special way of picking them, do you focus on just one, on a set number, such as three, or as many as you think of come midnight on December 31st?
1) Clean water
2) Resources for learning
3) No knee-pain this morning
4) Supportive friends
5) My poetic abilities
6) The opportunities to connect
7) A safe place to sleep
Firstly, Happy New Year! May it bring wonderful people, amazing lessons and may you enjoy it.
This is traditionally a time of reflection; between the second [Autumnal Equinox] and final harvest [Samhain] of the year. For me, it’s also a time of clearing and quiet; of gaining knowledge and insight, of watching; taking in the details and appreciating the changing world as the earth falls into slumber.
I’ve felt as though in a space of transition the last 2-3 weeks or so, and this was aided my reflection. I’ve been looking at my blog and really thinking about where I intend to take you in the next year; where I want to go.
Let’s start with where am I now; my major themes here appear to surround:
Planning of personal goals
Then, where had I planned to go up to now? My original aims had been to share my life as a Spiritual Being and thus I’d hoped to write about:
Common spiritual topics (2012- Nostradamus, Community, Paths within Paganism, Pagan Parenting), My own experiences [especially now I’m a part of some spiritual community] and topics I wished to learn more about or had something to share/teach about.
As a dragonfly, I constantly find myself within a chrysalis and don’t feel much like a nymph anymore. I’m working on exploring this a bit more and hope you’ll bare with me a little as I really embrace this transition.
This leaves me with this years aims. Through this coming year, I hope to speak a little more about the spirituality of my days; and hope to incorporate a few new habits.
So far, the time since my birthday in August has brought about the simple theme of connections, and that’s where I’ve decided to begin this year.
I understand that without my goals being concrete steps, they’re only dreams. Therefore I provide a small breakdown of my goals for the coming year:
* Daily Spiritual Practise [or at least weekly]
* 30,000 words by 30 November
* Blog Weekly
* Ritual for each festival
* Cut down on junk food
* Keep taking 5-a-day
* Some for of weekly movement [dance, free-weights ]
I know a list that long is unusual and I’ve not before had luck with intentions, but I’ve nothing to lose by trying to incorporate these.
What are your plans for the coming year?
When I first came to Paganism in 2004, an important part of my life was dance. I danced to release tension, to find myself and once finding this spirituality; to take time for the divine.
Though I’ve never had lessons, not in gymnastics, nor ballet or Irish dance; I was a dancer.
Over the years, singing became a larger part of my life than dance and even then, health problems with my throat [and thus my voice] and my knees have all come to bring me down. I’ve not been steady at anything in my life; getting bored/giving up/forgetting all lead to failure at anything for which I had enthusiasm for. There’s no routine I’ve kept too – I don’t perform ritual every month nor pray every day; I don’t meditate each week nor do I always eat my 5-a-day.
Speaking of my 5-a-day challenge, today is the final day and I’ve three more fruit/vegetables to fit in today to complete it. I had only one slip-up, and that was due to being out of the house for so long; I only managed 4 of my 5. but instead of starting from scratch today, I’ve called it a learning curve and vowed to reach six today [Edit: achieved].
However, a few key themes really do seem to come back to me, especially when I’m stressed and the most common/noticeable for me is:
* Dance – this is something I had a real routine with a few years back; using staff and just letting the spirit take over my body. It’s my only free time; from my ever-chattering mind and myself. Dance is my escape; my truth where I find my insight. For me, it’s a breath of life I struggle to find. I believe we often reach for our power but in times of stress; it’s difficult to connect. This is my connection.
“uplifting and ego-transcending; it releases creative energies; it affirms the meaning and value of existence; it gives a sense of purpose to the individual; it gives a feeling of integration; it leaves a permanent mark on the individual, evidently changing them for the better.” ~ From her post, quoting Wikipedia.
On a separate note, I attended a talk on careers today’s and as with the rest of this week, it’s been reflective [appropriate for the end of the Pagan year, no?]. Questions were asked: Could I be a teacher? A psychiatrist? A psycholinguist? A policewoman? Enroll in the army?
I wasn’t thinking much about these questions when I arrived but I need no more encouragement to be true to myself than a house where I can turn my music up and dance without knowing people are below my feet trying to watch a movie. And I reached that transcendent space.
By the final song; The Night [Disturbed], which I’ve never danced to before and only listened to once or twice, I’d fully embraced the swing of it, whirling and swaying, leaning and twirling.
[I’ve a small room comprised of about 2×4 metres space… lots of turning avoids tripping over the bed and dancing into my wardrobe [which has no door, so I could even fall in].
The space I found opened like a flower and suddenly I could breathe on my own.
I think with such profound experiences over the last year I’ve become accustomed to the high of life:
my first gig, first wiccan ritual, first druid meet and ritual, first Handfasting, first pagan pub moot; the first chance to be myself and let go- my first opportunities to be open and free and not watch my every move; knowing I’m accepted with them- these have all allowed me to become an energy junkie and mixing with ‘normal’ people just doesn’t cut it.
I’ve always had just a few friends, very carefully picked out; whose energy lifts me and who passed many unconscious tests of mine before I let them in.
The experience of dance brings to light the energy I have; the potential within me, just as those few people can bring out the best in me.
Dianne also posted about her experiences with dance. As always, her words are much more eloquent and have a much softer flow. [i.e they include cohesion]
“I wanted to dance because, even at fifteen, I knew there was something there. Something between the rhythm and the motion…something underneath the cheesy techno remixes and the horrid Spandex unitards…something there, something elemental and visceral, something that itched beneath my skin, a knowledge, a hunger to move.“
Today I think I just came home needing to ‘scratch that itch’. My early blog names included Gaelic for “waterfall dancer” and “dance enchantress”, so it’s been with me throughout my journey.
Anyway, back to my point: This week’s transition has included reflection on my career. When I attended this talk about teaching today, a lot of the questions were along the lines of “could you do this? Does this click for you?”. I smiled at the questions, musing slightly but paying no major heed. I came home and as no-one was in, I danced. I put on Disturbed a bit too loud and danced. By the third time round of hearing ‘Indestructible’ I was exhausted. And I was grinning.
All the stress and annoyance and incomprehensible feeling [I couldn’t comprehend why it was here] of the last week and a half vanished. This is what I do. I danced a further four songs, so today’s dance count is at thirty-two minutes, and I’ll likely do another song before bed.
This is who I am; it’s my truth.
No matter what job, what country or how bad my health; no matter my religion, my labels or mood:
I’m a dancer and I always will be.
We has internets. Yays.
So today I’ve stolen an idea from Frugal Trenches in that I’ve just done my first proper weekly shop of term (not including the start-up shop two weeks ago with my parents) and thought I’d share it with you.
My weekly shop cost just 11.02 earning me 23 nectar points.
The fruit’s for snacking on (apples, grapes, cucumber) while the carrots can be mixed with my frozen vegetables. The bread’s for ham or ham&cucumber sandwiches (lunch at University) and the milks for drinking, chai tea, shredded wheat with grapes, or white (pasta) sauce. The chocolate bars are also for university packed lunches and the yoghurts are because they wer eon offer/reduced and I like having a big pot of organic vanilla yoghurt handy.
And that’s my shop. SO meals include:
Breakfast. – porridge/shredded wheat/yoghurt
Lunch. – sandwiches, crisps, chocolate bar, apple.
– vegetable pasta
– macaroni cheese
– carbonara (ham, cheese, white sauce)
– tuna sweetcorn pasta bake with vegetables
– soup with added vegetables
– vegetable mash (mashed potato, with carrot)
I’ve also frozen potato (happy stars!) and meat (turkey dinosaurs/breaded chicken fillets) and
I’ve been taking my vitamins, iron tablet and Echinacea regularly.
That should suit me for this week; I’ll let you know how it goes. If you have any recipes with these ingredients and staple foods, let me know! I also intend to update my lists thiw week. Keep an eye out for the changes.
Tomorrow, I move into to my student house for the year, and the experiencing begins. I’m excited for fresh food, smoothies, late nights, close friends, pagan ritual, pagan moots and a lot of reading!
I ordered my books this morning; they should arrive by Tuesday at my new address 🙂 I’m excited about it. Yana and I have decided we’re going to work through the Celestine Prophecy: An Experimental Guide together. She’s going to lend me The Tenth Insight, and I’m lending her a couple of ym books, and giving her City Dharma. (=
I don’t think i’ll sleep much tonight, too excited and half-worried i’ll forget somethign important.
I’ll make sure I post pictures at some point ^_^