You may notice I’ve a new layout here; still tweaking it a little but decided to try and lose some of the clutter around my side bars and revamp a little.
I found something, in a book I picked purely by chance on Saturday. My best friend, Kami, read Sylvia Plath’s ‘The Bell Jar’ last week and couldn’t put it down. She and I have this amazing connection which includes a similar taste over reading and interests in the beyond-norms. I’d planned to get this book once I’ve gotten through perhaps a tenth of the books on my list but no; I had vouchers to use up, and after looking through the Spiritual/Mind&Body/ Religious/Psychology/ Self Help sections, decided to looks at the Classics; where I saw a name which reminded me of The Bell Jar, and bought it Saturday.
I got to page 73 and realised; that I’m pursuing too many figs. Anyone who’s read this book may remember the analogy of figs being paths in life; husband, kids, writer, etc. My fig tree has about 19 branches too; with a fig at the end of each, and perhaps my impatience stems from the dread of seeing each fig wither and fall. I might write further on this subject at a later date, because hell, I have so much to say.
I guess also I want to be the finished product already so I can live as her; as the future me. I’m looking for the destination on a journey without one. I’m thinking I need to explain to myself that I can be her Now. It’s what every book and website has told me when I’ve gone looking for answers. And that if I am not telling myself /don’t do so; I won’t ever be her. I won’t do so. The Now is what matters. Who you are is what you do. Act now and you’ll be. Something like that.
Perhaps many people don’t find spirituality or try to fix their flaws in their teens because they’ve very little foundation to build upon; a very shaky, ever-changing hormone-erratic foundation. People who seek it later may have the experience of a job and or of having a partner and even if they didn’t thrive and struggled as much as a younger person; perhaps that “I survived last time” helps.
I don’t know. Do any of my readers think this could be the case? I don’t know anyone younger than 18 who reads my blog.
On a slightly separate note, I noticed that I’ve had 4 comments on my last post. I think in the last year and a half, I’ve only had 7-8 comments, so I’d love it if you could tell me how I can keep you reading. Obviously I’ll still blog about my journey and my experiences, but would you prefer pictures or not, colours or black type; more on the issues or on overcoming them, more of plans or less? How can I still help you to feel inspired to read and comment. To support me on this journey?
I make these plans and lists but I think it’s this lack of support which means I don’t feel any need to really accomplish them. On the plus side, my new job, which I started yesterday, gave me a sense of accomplishment. It’s unpaid volunteering at a charity shop; so nothing special, but it meant I didn’t go to bed feeling like I’d not finished anything,
On another note, Kami, my best friend, has just started a blog so that I can see her exercise routine with the second aim of letting others see how they can improve their health. She’s planning to speak about what routines she does for what purposes, how she’s feeling; give reviews of different routines and types from hip hop dance to yoga, pilates and even belly-dance. If this interests you, go over and show her some love.
Have a good week and stars bless,