That my core reading included blogs. (WARNING: as with all my written work; this lacks cohesion and is barely coherent and for this, I apologise.)
Lately I’ve neglected my blogroll and my blog. I’ve just read an article by Rachel Cooke which shocked me. My wonderful teenage self thought “what an utter bitch” then laughed at her lexical choices before being horrified at her close-minded, one-sided account.
I’m astonished this at writer’s language. She uses “pious” and does so in the right terms and yet earlier couldn’t come up with an alternative to “quite shitty” or “daffy”. Appalling. And she calls herself a journalist? Pffft.
I’m 18. I want kids in the next 20 years or so; it’s true, but for goodness sake! This is why I’ve kept myself in that empty box; void of the news for so many years. It’s either depressing, sad or infuriating. I had to sit on my hands and I searched diligently for a “let us know what you thought” or “rate this article” button. I guess under further analysis; I kept myself isolated from humans and acted totally nonchalantly to everything. “A tsunami? Oh. Shame” etc. I don’t look upon it with pride nor angst. I did what I felt was right at the time. I didn’t want to get dragged into it; and my self-preservation certainly allowed me to speak to humans without being the over-dramatic woman that I am/was/have been.
I’ve been brought up surrounded by people who have a very high opinion of themselves, who speak their mind and will argue their point until they silence their opponent. Unfortunately, I’ve started to turn in that direction, and keeping up with the news makes it extremely hard to fight back against non-associative learning.
It’s easy to detach myself from the stories or argue my point that the news is barely more than a business. A cash-earning business. Having grown up around people who believed they were always right and that their opinions were law; I barely thought about questioning them. Those things they felt strongly, I heard a lot; like politics, money and the EU; while Religion, Compassion, and Family took a back-seat since it didn’t mean much to them. Therefore; I’ve my own views on religion and my own opinions what’s right in a family situation. I believe in equality and love-without-limits and happily-ever-after even though I’ve never seen one. Because I wasn’t conditioned into those people’s opinions.
Regrettably, my “opinions” or ‘attitudes’ on all those things that matter in the real world, are conditioned responses which I find myself arguing in favour of without even hearing my own words. People living in poverty, war and anarchy, feminism and money, the EU and government, crime, people of other religions and races and those less fortunate. I hear those racist bigots in my words and it shames me.
Since finding my feet at University I’ve been attempting to form my own ideas; but find myself taking anything written on page or screen as fact. Some brilliant psychologist I am. I can analyse myself to death; and yet speak without a thought of how wrong I am. I’ve been reading blogs by Americans, Canadians, English and Australian, Irish and so on. I read up on anything from feminism to home-schooling, environmentally-friendly acts or how to be compassionate, anarchy and drugs back to rearing goats and knitting scarves; from lessons on drawing flowers to quantum particles, making your own jam and full moon rituals for pagans. I want to form opinions and see both sides of the argument.
And I think Rachel Cooke should think about seeing both those sides too. I did have to smile at a memory from Russel Howard- a comedian on Mock The Week, famous for his rants about the media.
“The Guardian – racist in public so you don’t have to be”. They sound pretty one-sided and closed-minded to me. NEW OPINION FORMING: The Guardian: Uninformed, uneducated intransigent paper. Maybe it’s not 100% mine; but I’m happy to support it until I see a fair argument laid between it’s pages.
And once more, I was brought up to never stop arguing until the opponent was subdued; even once I realise I’m wrong I find it very difficult to stop and even harder to admit they win/are right.
This isn’t genetic but it’s passed down through the ‘family’ if such a word can be used. Now I’m sounding like my over-dramatic self again ^_^. I’ve been forced to re-think my opinions on eating animals like duck, rabbit, and pheasant and my views on drugs and birth control. It’s tiring to live with people.
I read a blog post today about how the author had lost her authentic voice. This started out as a rant at the Guardian article – I had copied out quotes and picked the arguments apart piece by piece, but they remain in my word document.. And I somehow rambled about my past and my own mistakes. I don’t mind having made them, and I can now see what’s happened – but I don’t know how to go about changing it.
So, I’m attempting to take responsibility for my own words, thoughts and actions. Bit of mission as well as doing my degree. I refuse to tolerate my own hypocrisy; however small I may feel it was, if I truly want to be annoyed at hypocrites;, I need to truly minimise the occurrences of it in my own life first.
In less than an hour I’ve written over 800 words for this post; and yet I spent a good 2 hours trying to write my essay for next week; and only got to 600 words. Wish I could just submit this and be done with it =)
So back to my first sentence – I wish blogs were both a part of required reading and papers for submission for a grade.
I’m ambitious but lack motivation. It’s stupid.
“Get up off your chair, Rose and write your 3,000 words on the concept of the Self and your lab report on card sorting.“
Wish me luck on my re-programming. It’s going to be an interesting year.