It seems people are talking a lot about “in a learning state of mind” regarding teaching themselves to be more open-minded/non-judgmental/less ego-drawn.
I’m a lot more relaxed these days; but I take things too personally. Still; I wish I knew how I could work on mindfulness during those times when it’s someone I care about who says something that I then go on to take too personally.
I walk home with a smile on my face, eyes full of wonder at the smells and sights of spring (my favourite season) and yet when I get home I still manage to take things personally, get angry and cry.
This is my blog for the more positive spiritual areas of my life. But I feel a need to address something.
I’m not your average teenager, but I know many average teenagers who are as spiritual as myself. I personally don’t go to the movies, have any friends that live nearby. I do homework Friday nights; I don’t let myself drink more than two nights per fortnight, except for quite special occasions. (I passed my driving test yesterday, my parents insisted on opening Champagne for this.)
I want to try Chai tea; to meditate daily and to have a natural wedding/hand-fasting in a field or forest. (complete with a Mead I’ve never tried but sounds nice called Metheglin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mead). Black mead also sounds uber yummy! I’ve never had mead but I love herbs and sweet spices such as cinnamon)
I’d love to learn Russian, more Latin (did three years at school) or Irish; “just because”.
I love to learn new things; as long as it stems from one my favourite topics – religion; spirituality, philosophy, languages or psychology.
I watch 2 hours of TV each weekday; and the odd show about animal welfare, preservation, language or how rubbish the media is.
I avoid the news at all costs, and I try not to get to open about what’s going on in my life with those outside my circle of “best friends”.
This last week or so, I’ve been attempting Tea Ceremonies, burning essential oils and doing energy-work meditations each night. I’m really trying to reconnect, even though I know the best way to do that, is to stop “trying to connect” and just live. The connection comes – I remember that it does. So I need to learn two main things this year. Patience, and to Let Go.
The first Beltaine wish is to be more patient.
If I ask a question such as “are you having dinner at home, or at the party?” I’m not patient enough to hear what food you’re having and how amazing it’ll be and what dress you’ll wear – I just need to know if I’m cooking my own dinner or not and if i’m cooking it for you and me, or for myself alone.
The second one regards my past. There are some issues I feel I’ve worked through to death, and yet something is holding me back. I want to find out what that block is and then sort it out.
I’d also like to start looking for some figures for an Alter. I’m coming up to my 4 year mark in June; and I’ve never had a proper Alter. I feel like I’m starting to find my way, and to me, it’s the next stage.
If any of you have any starter rituals – any aimed at kids that are short and simple and will just be an introduction to ritual, I’d love to give them a try. I want some structure to my spirituality; and although I know I have to find my own way – you don’t know if something will work until you try it.
I’m also wondering if it’s too late to grow herbs. I’m so tempted to pick up some basil and just shove it on my bedroom windowsill.
I wish I could sort out a maypole.
Maybe when I have my own house, I can make a mini one and just twirl the ribbons round it or something. I am going to use the ribbons I’ve collected and do a little something with them.
And on those positive notes; I think that if I could choose any pet to have, I’d want an Otter. =)
I’ll try to update on Beltaine.
P.S. Picture found at www.beltaine.net.