Tapping - EFT

Thought I’d see if this works. Tomorrow I’m going to be giving myself a day of healing; for the hell of it. I’ve done this just now, and I’ll be doing it again tomorrow.

To stop me feeling bored; for one reason. Get my body moving. Not sure if this video will work, but if not:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=aoSzivsQkVI  There it is.

I laughed through some of his comments, and I switched hands/side of tapping near the end. I do feel pretty relaxed, and a little less exhausted. So I thought I’d share it with you.

Stars Above,

Have a great week.

~Celestial Rose

Solstice

Well, it’s been busy around here; although I still find hours where I have nothing to do. Kind of lost my motivation again. I guess that’s partly why I’m re-reading those trilogies. The women escape from problems and find themselves in a beautiful place; they find home. The novels explore the journey and hurdles they face. It feels like travelling with these women just prepares me that little bit more for when I make my own journey.

I’ve been very focused lately on pride vs. selfless acts. Something happened with my other half, and my first thought was to be there for him. When he didn’t need me as much as I had prepared, I felt almost useless.

And then I scolded myself for being so selfish.

But how does one stop selfish thoughts, without selfless ones turning into a matter of pride?

I’m hoping that once I get out there and face the world, I’ll realise how far I’ve gone over the line of self-love, and see the reality.

Enough negative self talk.

I didn’t even notice that it was the summer solstice this year. It’s usually one of those one I really work on – I’ve got a specific top I wear to celebrate it, and I always take a few pennies and glitter with me for the Fae.

This year, I went shopping with a friend from college. We had a meal at perfect pizza, which is one of the things I panic over – going out for meals. It was quite enjoyable though. I bought a black corset from Ann summers; a well-known shop for sex toys and clothes. (www.annsummers.com)

This is just a black corset though, honest.

So that’s my little present to myself for the solstice.

I hope everyone’s enjoying themselves as summer kicks in.

Stars Above,

Celestial Rose.

Four Years

 

Wednesday 4^th June 2008.

Wow.

Happy Anniversary to me.

Four years since my dedication to the craft.

I actually can’t believe it.

 

This week I’ve discovered one of my old strengths. One of my “this is why I make a good friend” points I feared I’d lost. No matter how annoyed I am with someone, how upset, how much they hurt me; if they come to me, crying or in need of an emotional outlet, I’ll listen. I’m not quite a shoulder to all, but when Kevin and Rob have needed someone to listen, I’ve been there.
(A tiny bit of context, - one was my “first love” – broke my heart. The other pressured me – broke my trust along with my body, shall we say.)

 

I’ve always felt my purpose is to help support and heal – I guess similar to the medicine women of Native American tribes, or of the Witch in Celtic villages of England. (I’m going back a few thousand years here, 450AD at the latest.)

I guess that’s what really drew me here, to this path. Or one of the key factors. The path I’m on represents everything I’ve thought of myself to be. The Pagan Path, it’s all it’s varying hues represents the peaceful warrior, the compassionate healer, the wise sage, and the open communicator. The pagan path represents, to me, the very strength of humans. The very strongest of women (and men) live their lives to the fullest, reaching their highest potential and following fantastic morals. Whether or not they called their Path pagan or Christian or Muslim – if they are believers in growing your own food, helping the environment and nature, healing the sick and reaching for the stars – that’s what paganism represents to me.

Now there are many routes down the red road of spirit, and many ways to see it and refer to it. This is purely my perception, and this time next year, I bet it will have changed yet again.

 

I want to extend thanks to all my teachers in every form over the past 4 years – I’m not sure if any of them know this blog exists, but the Universe will recognise what I mean. =P

One person in particular is Phil – my partner. He’s been absolutely fantastic for me. I can’t actually put it into words, but I really wanted to just say something to express how much I appreciate everything he’s done.

You’ve supported my path, even though it’s not your own and have crossed over just to hold me up when I’ve stumbled. You’ve been amazing and shall continue to be so. You reminded me of the forgiving nature of the Pagan deities, and that gave me freedom beyond understanding.

Thank you.

 

And I want to thank all of you who’ve followed me from each blog I have. From Xanga to livejournal to blogspot to wordpress… You’ve all been amazing support.

And everyone’s who’s commented and all the blogs on my list. If you’re in that group of people, you’re inspiration for me, and I want to thank you for reminding me that I can do this, reminding me that there’s hope – that I’m not alone and that I can do anything.

 

Thank you.

May Moon Bless Your Path.

 

P.S. on the book front, I’ve diverged and picked up The Wind Is My Mother instead of Nothing Special – you’ll know which one won my attention when I post my “first chapter review” that I do. =)

Have a good week (it’s almost half way over ^-^ bring on the weekend!)

 

Nothing Special

I wrote an entry a few weeks back; when I originally finished my chapter in Dianne’s book. I think I’m going to spend a bit more time on the last two chapters I’ve read, slowly. They speak to me and I think I need to listen closer. Here are my original thoughts, written in the first weeks of May.

 

“The forth Chapter of Dianne’s book is based around the idea of creating sacred space in your home. An alter or two, casting a circle around your home to protect it. I didn’t get much beyond trying to visualise my cobblestone walls with red brick around the windows, my house tucked slightly around a corner – discreet but quaint. This chapter won’t really help me until I move into University, when the space will be my own - and even then I’ll have to move out of it after the first year: So when I come back to it, I hope to still have this blog, and I can comment on it more fully then. I now have an alter on my windowsill – for what better portrayal of the Divine being that the trees of the forest behind our garden?”

 

In the meantime, I’ve decided to go back to an old book I’ve never finished, and read it from the beginning.  I’m finding this challenge of writing about each chapter fascinating and I truly believe it’s helping me to understand the concepts written about in each section of these books. I believe this is especially vital to understand since I’m using this book as a workbook.

This old book is called Nothing Special: Living Zen. It’s written by Charlotte Joko Beck. My bookmarks in page 24; a ‘wise words’ Bookmark. It says “when in doubt, do nothing, be still, have patience and wait. ~ White eagle. In light of the title of this book, I think it’s especially fitting.

The first chapter is entitled STRUGGLE, and the first sub-section ‘Whirlpools and Stagnant Waters’. I intend to get back to page 24 which is the beginning of the forth subsection by Litha. We’ll see how I go though.

 

Regarding the previous entry, I’ve been talking to an ex, and asking questions to try and solve some of my issues that I believe started during my time with him. I’ve had a weekend away with my partner, and I cried and had a couple of panics – so I feel that I’ve let out something emotional, even if it still baffles me.

 

Oh, and anyone who is spiritual but likes movies with some martial arts, I’d suggest Bulletproof Monk.

 

Stars Above,

~Celestial Rose~

 

 

 

Tween places

Something’s telling me that this period, between Beltain and Litha is one of reflection. And that would squarely put me in the recreating, stripping down and reclaiming section, to fit in the “i can now rebuild myself since i’ve faced everything” just as autumn/winter set in. Just as I start my life at University. A new place. A new education system. A new course. A new place to live. Have to shop for myself. To get a job. To make friends. To work out how best to communicate with people.

I rarely leave the house. I go to college, walk home, and go to bed. Sunday morning’s I go to karate, I come home, work and sleep. I never go out. How I’ll manage to do that at University I have no clue. But what I do know is this time now is for facing fears.

My nightmares, the lack of sleep between the nightmares, panic attacks at silver eyes, obsessions suddenly more important.

Some nights I struggle to hold back the tears, and other nights I feel calm and loved. Such is the way of teenage emotions. I have so much on my mind, but I’ve found my old escape. I’m reading my third trilogy by Nora Roberts. The characters in her stories come from a bad past; take the pieces and run away, and rebuild. And they all have happy endings.

Let’s hope my own life story can end in a similar way.

~I want to send hugs to Dianne. My thoughts are with you.~

Stars Above,
Celestial Rose.

Beltain Alter

So, here’s a picture of my temporary alter for the Beltain-Litha period. There’s my plaited ribbon resting on the basil for now, I’ll need to re-pot it in a couple of days and than it can have a bit more of a permanent place. There’s my list of attributes; and there’s a snail.

Bit of Background on my snail. I’ve had it for as long as I can remember – I believe it’s ceramic… The flower in it is fake. But it’s always made me smile, and it puts me in a calm state of mind. The mirror – to most pagans I think this makes sense if you believe the divine beings live within us – Mirror = a picture of the God and Goddess.

That could just be me; but I have a feeling it’s a reasonably well known idea.

Stars Above,
~Celestial Rose~

Blessed Beltain.

Blessed Beltain.

 

It’s currently raining, but the sun’s shining through the clouds and oh, stopped raining, give it five minutes, it’ll be back. I think the weather really reflects my mood today.(or am I a reflection of it? :P)

 

I want to briefly comment on orthography (That means spelling). Different Pagans use different terms for the Sabbats; and spell and pronounce them differently too. I spell Beltain with a I and without an e because it feels right for me. Don’t ask me how a spelling can feel right, because I don’t have a clue. Same reason I call the Autumn Equinox Modron and not Mabon I suppose. It just represents the picture of nature at this time better for me; it resonates best with me. I spelt it differently the other day since it appears to be the most common form of spelling, and it went better with the picture. =P

 

My oil burner decided to send me a sign and splat my wall with essential oil… Reminded me that these days I clean up a mess; think about what it could mean as a sign and then don’t let it stress me out. It’s the second wall in my room to get splatted; I just covered the marks on the other wall with posters of two butterflies when I rearranged my furniture.

 

I’ve been listening to some Pagan podcasts today and I’m learning a little at a time, which is the best way really. Ah, I can see blue sky. I’ve made my three mantra’s for Beltain, I made a little paper totem type poster of my 9 personality attributes I want to bring to my life; and tomorrow mum’ll try and pick me up a basil plant. It’ll go on my windowsill, and I’ve platted together three ribbons, one of each of my mantras. I think that since I couldn’t have a maypole, just plaiting three bits of ribbon was enough for me to feel like I’d actually done something. Since this has always been a lover’s festival in my opinion; and this time last year I was struggling with my own self-hatred, I’m feeling quite free this year.

 

As I was walking home I reflected over the last two years and I found myself dizzy and feeling sick, so I’m trying to focus a bit more on the positivity.

I wrote a blog post on the 29^th on theism, based around chapter three of the book I’m working through: Dianne Sylvan’s “The Circle Within”. It’ll be up around the weekend, and I might slip in a picture of my basil with it.

 

I’ve got to a point where I’m starting to get a bit stressed out over my exams, and I’m feeling a bit disconnected, which makes meditation hard.

Oh, it’s raining again =]

 

So tonight is for myself; and for as much of Phil as I can get. Being in a long-distance relationship sucks the most at these times, in my opinion.

 

It’s stopped raining.

 

So yes, what are you doing for Beltain?

I’ll be having my lover-section of Beltain on 24^th-26^th May. Hope the Divine will forgive me for that wait. As far as I’m concerned, it’s well worth the wait. =)

 

Stars Above

Celestial Rose.

 

Currently Reading: The Tibetan Art of Serenity, Christopher Hansard.

Currently Listening: Beltaine: Episode 11,  DarklyFey: http://darklyfey.com/blog

 

 

 

Beltaine Wishes

 

 

It seems people are talking a lot about “in a learning state of mind” regarding teaching themselves to be more open-minded/non-judgmental/less ego-drawn.

I’m a lot more relaxed these days; but I take things too personally. Still. I wish I knew how I could work on mindfulness during those times it’s someone I care about says something I go on to take too personally. Like with Lily and Ross.

 

I walk home with a smile on my face, eyes full of wonder at the smells and sights of spring (my favourite season) and yet when I get home I still manage to take things personally, get angry and cry.

 

This is my blog for the more positive spiritual areas of my life. But I feel a need to address something.

I’m not your average teenager, but I know many average teenagers who are as spiritual as myself. I personally don’t go to the movies, have any friends that live nearby. I do homework Friday nights; I don’t let myself drink more than two nights per fortnight, except for quite special occasions. (I passed my driving test yesterday, my parents insisted on opening Champagne for this.)

 

I want to try Chai tea; to have a natural wedding in a field or forest (complete with a Mead I’ve never tried but sounds nice called Metheglin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mead) Black mead also sounds uber yummy! I’ve never had mead but I love herbs and sweet spices such as cinnamon)

A mead that also contains spices (like cloves, cinnamon or nutmeg) or herbs (such as oregano or even lavender or chamomile) is called metheglin (IPA: /mɨˈθɛglɪn/).

 

I’d love to learn Russian, more Latin (did three years at school) or Irish Gaelic; “just because”.

I love to learn new things; as long as it stems from one my favourite topics – religion; spirituality, philosophy, languages or psychology.

 

I watch 2 hours of TV each weekday; and the odd show about animal welfare, preservation, language or how rubbish the media is.

I avoid the news at all costs, and I try not to get to open about what’s going on in my life with those outside my circle of “bestest friends”.

 

This last week or so, I’ve been attempting Tea Ceremonies, burning essential oils and doing energy-work meditations each night. I’m really trying to reconnect, even though I know the best way to do that, is to stop “trying to connect” and just live. The connection comes – I remember that it does. So I need to learn two main things this year. Patience, and to Let Go.

 

The first Beltaine wish is to be more patient.

If I ask a questions such as “are you having dinner at home, or at the party?” I’m not patient enough to hear what food you’re having and how amazing it’ll be and what dress you’ll wear – I just need to know if I’m cooking my own dinner or not.

 

The second one regards my past. There are some issues I feel I’ve worked through to death, and yet something is holding me back. I want to find out what that block is – if it’s fear of the past repeating or habitual panic or what… and then sort it out. Also trying to be in control of my destiny 100% on some things and being so lazy on others with the thought that destiny will give me what I want. Both are wrong and although I know this, I just can’t act on it. (or stop acting on it).

 

I’d also like to start looking for some figures for an Alter. I’m coming up to my 4 year mark in June; and I’ve never had a proper Alter. I feel like I’m starting to find my way, and to me, it’s the next stage.

 

If any of you have any starter rituals – any aimed at kids that are short and simple and will just be an introduction to ritual, I’d love to give them a try. I want some structure to my spirituality; and although I know I have to find my own way – you don’t know if something will work until you try it.

 

I’m also wondering if it’s too late to grow herbs. I’m so tempted to pick up some basil and just shove it on my bedroom windowsill.

 

I wish I could sort out a maypole.

Maybe when I have my own house, I can make a mini one and just twirl the ribbons round it or something. I am going to use the ribbons I’ve collected and do a little something with them.

 

And on those positive notes; I think that if I could choose any pet to have, I’d want an Otter. =)

 

I’ll try to update on Beltaine.

Stars Above,

~Celestial Rose~

P.S. Picture found at www.beltaine.net.

 

Blame and Loving-Kindness

Find Out Which Disney Girl You Are! created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Belle Dancing furniture, singing spoons, and a man who needs a serious haircut - sound familiar? Well it should! Belle was a very independent spirit with alot on her mind, much like you are! But in life, there is a needed balance - learn when to speak your mind, and when to hold it back. Sometimes offending someone isn’t the best way to go! Belle 92% Alice 79% Pocahontas 75% Snow White 75% Cinderella 67% Jane 67% Ariel 67% Megara 63% Tinkerbell 63% Jasmine 63% Violet 58% Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) 54% Esmerelda 54% Mulan 54%

Phil goes back to University tomorrow. I saw him Thursday. Friday I had a little emotional session and buried myself in homework. This morning I’ve accepted my place at University, booked the accomodation and basically buried myself in doing that: Making those big decisions I’m too scared to make.

I’m still reading Dianne’s book, but at a slower pace now. At the end of chapter two, there were some questions, and I’m going back to see if the questions from Chapter one have changed, before I read Chapter three. I’m running out of things to bury myself in, because I’m too tired (or that’s the excuse I use) to revise for my exams or do homework.

Silly Rose. If I can find a nice quiet movie that I’ve seen before, I could probably do a Maths past paper.

I found a new blog this morning, and left a few comments on it. I’m hoping that the information on raising Pagan kids, from the 4-5 blogs I now have that are dedicated to that; will teach me how to be a better Pagan teenager.

I’m going to try and do metta bhvanna (is that spelt right/ is that the right term?) again. It’s a kind of buddhist loving-kindness meditation that teaches children to have love and gratitude for the world. I really hope I can find a way to stay on my feet for these next few weeks. In less than 10 weeks, my final exam will be over. That was scary enough until I realised that my first exam must therefore start in about 4 weeks. And I have no idea which exam it is, because the exam timetable on my college intranet, is down for the maintenance of editing the timetables.

Okay, mini-rant there: Sorry about that.

I’ve turned back to an old friend of mine: Zen Therapy - healing your life with Zen, by Robert Milton Anthony. I’d seriously tell everyone to get a copy. I read it in the time it took to drive home from whereever I bought it from.  It’s basically a short book of contemplations: almost poems, that provoke deep thought over non-mundane issues. At the beginnning of each chapter it also has a little story, which unfolds piece by piece as you work through the chapters.

Wow, i just used a lot of big words. I think it would be an awesome bible.

For example:
“There is no joy in my life,” said the pilgrim. “Show me how I may find happiness.” The Master smiled, and laughed and laughed and laughed, and then he laughed some more.”

So there we have it. I should do some work. I shall probably be back soon - Knowing me, I’ll probably be burying myself in spiritual work for the next week. Such is the joy of a 17-year-old. And since we humans like to blame; I blame hormones. =)

Stars Above,
Celestial Rose.

Self Discovery ~ Theism Part II

The book I’m reading that led me to question my own theology and theism has just answered my question.Dianne explains that traditionally we have two options:

• God on Earth, i.e. Jesus; who is therefore imminent. They have form and live within the Universe. It’s said we prefer this as we feel we can connect to them better.
• God outside the Universe, looking in; known as being transcendent.  
  She now introduces a third category:
• Manifest.

  This is the term used to explain a Deity who IS the Universe; both a part of and outside of our world.  In my mind, this third category could encompass a consciousness of the interconnected energy; that energy in every atom of the Universe. She then explains the theory that as humans, wanting to connect, we give them a name and face; a “image for them to inhabit”. Although this may limit the Goddess to only the warrior side by calling her Artemis, it makes it so much easier to ask for her to guide us to strength and courage this way. This almost, simplification, creates the bond between human and Deity.  

On the personal front, I’ll share a little of my life. I’ve been with my partner for coming up 15 months. I’m in college (I’m in England), and he’s at University. Since he left, I go O.T.T and spend a few days crying and focusing far too much on the negatives. I miss him and it hurts and for some reason I can’t find the happiness; the peace.

This week, I’ve spent at least 2 hours doing stretches, and kicks and punches. I’ve been doing karate training and dancing and singing and spending time to show myself and strive to be a better warrior.
Before I met Phil, my only motivation to live was to survive my past; to show those people I wasn’t the weak person they thought I was. My warrior side gave me reason. Once Phil saw me struggling and finally convinced me to let him help with some of my inner demons, I lost my touch with the independent warrior I was before. I found I quite liked having a person I could talk to, and fight with. I didn’t feel alone. I had a purpose. This week I’ve really worked to get back to having some time to be independent, because I need to learn to deal with life on my own, and I need to learn to stop clinging. This is where my faith comes in. I’m focusing on finding my faith, and feeling secure in it, before I too, go to University in October. I’ll be a little further from my partner then, so I’ll need the strength.This is one of the reasons I’m reading Dianne’s book; The Circle Within. Another is the need to have a friend with me during these times, and I feel that she guides me with her writing. That’s her goal, but most pagan books I read and learn facts. With hers, it’s like I learn about myself, and feel less alone at the same time.  

I’m not Wiccan, and as far as I know, I’m not heading that way; but I am in search of a way to clarify my own beliefs; especially to myself.
I guess believe in the intricate connection quantum physics shed a light on, slowly showing Newtonian physics to be out-dated. But how can the energy of every atom in all the Galaxies of the Universe have a conscious mind that guides us?
I guess that’s my next question. 

Prayer

I don’t really pray much anymore.I go through a list of things I’m grateful for about once a week at the moment, and try to vary it so I can cover everything. If I want to ask for something, I wish on stars. I generally fulfil my walks home 3 afternoons a week with talking to myself which often include a conversation with the Divine.

They don’t talk back, but for instance, today, although the clouds were grey and all appeared dull, I saw a goldfinch. The bright red and yellow contrasted and I took it to be a sign. So I guess you could say I’m pretty strange, in my special way.

Variety is the spice of life, as some famous person probably once said.

Stars Above,
Celestial Rose